


If I Lay Here

by brittyelaine



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Beach Romance, Canon Divergent, Fluff, M/M, Post Season 11, Romance, Vacation, canonish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-17
Updated: 2016-03-17
Packaged: 2018-05-26 22:27:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6258223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brittyelaine/pseuds/brittyelaine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>To regroup following the battle with The Darkness and Lucifer, Dean and Castiel take a trip and try to come to terms with how they feel about each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> In the wake of the cruel and capricious ending of "Before the Night Takes Us", I promised some fluffiness. A lot of people enjoyed Dean and Castiel's little vacation in "Before the Night Takes Us", and I just love that idea, so I created a whole fic around it!
> 
> Based on the lyrics of "Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol. Enjoy the fluff.

"We're goin' on vacation!"

Sam and Cas looked up at Dean as he stood over them at the table in the library. He was beaming, clearly so very proud of himself, his arms outstretched, his eyebrows raised as he nodded encouragingly. 

Sam leaned forward, tossing the book in his hand on the table, eying his brother. "What?"

"We're going on vacation," Dean repeated, looking from his brother to the angel and back.

"I don't understand," Cas chimed in, his brow furrowed as he stared up at Dean. 

Dean rolled his eyes. "Come on, it's not rocket science, guys. We need a break. We're going on vacation. So pack some swim trunks, toss some beers in the cooler. We're hittin' the road."  


In the days since the demise of The Darkness and Lucifer, Team Free Will had been holed up in the bunker, trying to recover. The final showdown and everything leading up to it had taken a lot out of all three of them, Cas especially. Dean had been skirting around him since they returned home, especially after pouring out his feelings in an effort to convince Cas to reclaim control and expel Lucifer. 

Everything he had said was true. He needed Cas. He needed him regardless of his usefulness or power. He just needed Cas. But now, in the light of day, Dean didn't know how to handle the situation. He had no idea how to approach it. So, just as Dean Winchester always did, he avoided it. 

Sam cleared his throat, staring his brother down. "That sounds great, Dean. Really. But I think I'm gonna pass."

Furrowing his brow, Dean scoffed. "The hell you mean you're gonna pass? _Vacation_ , Sammy! Beach. Babes. Beer. What the hell could be better than that?"

Sam stood, clapping his brother on the shoulder. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"I'll leave you two to speak," Cas interjected, pushing back from the table. "I found what I believe will be an interesting documentary on the Netflix I wanted to watch." He offered Dean a tight-lipped, if sad, smile and nodded to Sam before disappearing into the halls of the bunker.

When he was gone, Dean turned his scowl to Sam. "What?"

Sam scoffed, leaning back on the table, crossing his arms. "How long are you gonna avoid him, Dean?"

Dean made a face, feigning ignorance. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Sam Winchester's infamous 'Don't Bullshit Me' face was out in full force, causing Dean to recoil. "Yes you do, Dean. What happened between you two after Amara and Lucifer. You've been avoiding him."

"Nothing happened."

"Exactly! You poured your friggin' heart out to him and then left him high and dry. Man, come on. He doesn't deserve that. You know that." Sam dropped his hands, shaking his head. "You know how he feels about you. And you know how you feel about him. Stop being such an ass about all of this."

Dean dropped his head, chewing the inside of his lip. "But...I already booked a beach house."

"That's great. You and Cas go. Figure your shit out, dude. Watching the two of you is giving me anxiety."

"Oh, yeah, and what the hell are you gonna do, then?"

Smirking, Sam pushed off the table, squaring his shoulders. "I have plans." He stepped past Dean, attempting to leave the library. A hand on his shoulder stopped him.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on there, little brother. What the hell do you mean you have _plans_? What plans?"

Avoiding Dean's gaze, Sam shrugged. "Plans. I know people."

Dean's eyes narrowed as he examined Sam's face. "Wait a minute. This is about that, uh, that hunter chick. What was her name?" He snapped his fingers. "Eileen! Is that--I'm right, aren't I? _Sammay_!" He drawled out the word, a proud grin lighting up his face. 

Sam rolled his eyes, finally stepping past his brother. "Either way, I'm not going. But you two are. Have fun."

+

Dean finished loading everything into the Impala, tossing his bag into the backseat beside the cooler. He looked over at Sam, toying with the keys in his hand. "You sure you don't wanna come? Last chance, man."

Sam laughed, shaking his head. "No, I'm sure. This is good. It'll be good for you guys."

Dean sighed, shaking his head. "I don't know, man..."

Cas chose that moment to emerge from the bunker, heading for the Impala. "Bye, Sam. If you need anything at all, please call." When Sam patted him on the shoulder, he turned to Dean. "I suppose we should get going."

"Where's all your stuff?"

Frowning, Cas looked down at himself, tugging at his coat. "I don't have any... Stuff, Dean. I..."

"Oh, Jesus." Dean rolled his eyes. "Alright, arlight, just get in the damn car. We'll go shopping when we get there." Dean looked at Sam, exasperated. Sam only laughed, which irritated Dean even more. 

+

Dean and Cas were seven hours into the twenty hour drive to Tybee Island, Georgia. Dean had mostly avoided talking by blasting the stereo or sprinting off to the restroom and to grab supplies when they stopped for gas. Since Cas needed neither, he remained with the Impala to pump the gas.

Five hours later, Dean finally relented and pulled off the highway to stop for the night just outside of Nashville. Twelve hours of driving and bottling up his feelings was exhausting, and he figured he could use some sleep. 

When they stepped into the motel room, Dean dropped his bag by the door and glanced at Cas. "I'm gonna grab a shower." Without another word, he marched into the bathroom and closed the door behind him.

He took his time in the shower, letting the hot water soothe his aching back. He tried not to think of being alone with Cas... sharing a motel room with him... Acknowledging whatever feelings there were between them. With a heavy sigh, he leaned forward, bracing his arm against the wall, he buried his face in the crook of his elbow, and let the water pour over him until his skin was red. 

When he finally emerged from the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist, he sighed, finding Cas sitting on the end of one bed, flipping through the channels on the television.  
Castiel's eyes lifted from the tv, dragging over Dean's body. He swallowed nervously before returning his gaze to the television. 

Dean trudged to his bag, grabbing his clothes. "Aren't you uncomfortable?"

"What?" Castiel's head snapped in Dean's direction, his eyes wide. "Why? What--why would I be uncomfortable? I've seen you--"

"Your clothes, Cas. You still have your coat on. Isn't that ever uncomfortable?"

Cas looked down at his coat, trailing his fingers along the edge. "I never really noticed, to be honest. Would it make you more comfortable if I--"

"Do whatever you want, Cas." As soon as the words left his mouth, Dean regretted it. He sighed, pulling on his boxers and sweatpants, tossing the towel over the back of the chair. He pulled on his t-shirt and sighed, sitting down on the end of his bed. "I didn't mean it like that." He ran a hand through his damp hair.

Cas was silent for a moment, his hands clasped around the remote. Finally, he turned. "Why am I here, Dean?"

The words Dean had been dreading fell between them heavily. Running his hands down his thighs, Dean took a breath to steady himself, unsure of how to answer Castiel's weighted question. "What do you mean?" He was stalling, of course.

The question only agitated Cas further. "Why am I here, Dean? Why am I on 'vacation' with you?" He used air quotes, and Dean tried not to smile. "Never mind the fact that I don't actually understand the purpose of 'vacation,'" there were those air quotes again, "but we've been in a car together for over twelve hours and the only time you've spoken to me is hen you announced your need to urinate. And since The Darkness? Since Lucifer? You've barely spoken to me. So, please, Dean. Tell me why I'm here. Why, when you so obviously want nothing to do with me, did you bring me along?"

Dean dragged his eyes away, looking down at his bare feet. "I'm trying, Cas." His voice was quiet, strained. He could feel the weight of Castiel's gaze. When he finally forced himself to look up again, his breath caught. "I'm trying. I'm avoiding you because I don't know what the hell to say to you. This is all new to me, man. Cut me some slack. Please." He sighed, rubbing his face in frustration. "And you're here because I want you to be. I want to figure this shit out."

Cas remained silent, watching as Dean struggled to explain himself. Finally, he nodded, the faintest hint of forgiveness turning up the corners of his mouth. "You should sleep. We've had a long drive." 

+

The following afternoon, after another long day of not talking and awkward glances, the Impala pulled into the driveway of a small beach-side cottage. Much to Dean's pleasure, it looked just as it had in the website he had found. And it was perfect. It was the exact opposite of everything in their dark, disturbing, gritty lives. It was painted a bright blue, with palm trees lining the walk, and sand and strategically arranged seashells serving as the front garden. 

Cas and Dean stepped out of the car in tandem, their eyes fixed on the house before them. "Is this our destination?" Cas questioned, finally looking over the car at Dean.

Dean beamed, nodding enthusiastically. "Yep!" He made quick work of unloading everything from the car, digging the key out from under the hide-a-key next to the front door, as the woman's email had specified. Cas followed, taking in his surroundings.

The house was decorated just as one would expect a vacation beach house to be: seashells, lighthouses, cheerful shades of blue, white, coral, and yellow, and wicker furniture. The kitchen, as the listing explained, had been updated recently - all brand new gourmet appliances and features - something Dean was eager to try out. 

Dean dropped the bags and the cooler in the living room, heading down the hall to scope out the bedrooms. One had a king size bed, another had a queen, and the third featured bunk beds. "I call dibs on the King!" He yelled. "For obvio--Jesus Christ!" He turned, unexpectedly finding himself face to face with Cas. He gripped the door frame to steady himself, his jaw clenched. "Cas. You have got to stop sneaking up on me."

"My apologies. I don't sleep, as you know. I am indifferent to which bed you would like to have. So, please," he gestured toward the bedroom offering a smile.

Sighing, Dean turned and ventured into the bedroom, looking around, making himself at home. "I wanna hit the beach soon. But first," he snapped his fingers, "we gotta get you the proper threads."

Cas tugged at the hem of his coat, but said nothing.

"Can't wear a trench coat to the beach, Cas. Let's go." He clapped the angel on the back as he passed, keys in hand.

Lord help him, this was certainly going to be an interesting trip.


	2. Chapter 2

"I don't understand this, Dean." 

Dean rolled his eyes, leaning back in the armchair, gripping the sides in an effort to sate his frustration. "C'mon, Cas. Didn't Metatron dump all that pop culture knowledge in your head? In all that shit, there's not the tiniest bit of understanding of attire or culture? Anything"

Behind the doors of the changing room, Dean heard rustling and huffing and grumbling. Finally, Cas emerged fully clothed, the swim trunks he'd been wrestling with balled up in his hand. "No. Can we go, please?"

Dean rolled his eyes and grumbled as he stood, shoving a hand full of jeans and shirts at Cas. "Fine. Sure. Let's go. Your fashion show isn't exciting, anyway." Had he known then what he knew now, he would have appreciated Charlie's fashion montage more.

+

Dean patted the top of the cooler as he wrestled it shut, proud of how well he'd manage to arrange the beers. Dressed in the blue paisley swim trunks and flip flops, he pushed his wayfarer sunglasses up on his nose and sighed, tapping his foot impatiently. "Cas, let's go!" He yelled.  


When he turned, he found Cas moping in front of him, dressed only in the black and grey plaid trunks Dean had picked out, and flip flops. Dean stared, open mouthed, his eyes involuntarily dragging down Castiel's body. He was so much more tan than Dean had imagined. Which was odd, given that Cas never took his clothes off. A leftover trait of Jimmy, perhaps? He didn't mind though. It looked good. The Enochian warding tattoo stood out against the tanned skin of his toned stomach. He was so much more muscular than he had thought. He didn't know why it never occurred to him. Cas looked good. Why was he--

"Dean?"

Dean realized he was staring and cleared his throat. "What? Yeah. Sorry. Uh. Yeah. Yep. Let's go. Oh, here." He thrust a pair of aviators into Castiel's hand.

"Why do I need--"

"Just. Shut up. Come on. Let's go." He turned on his heel and took off through the back door toward the beach, Cas following close behind.

They settled comfortably on the oversized blanket Dean laid out on the sand, the cooler nestled behind them. Dean found himself happy he had paid extra for a house adjacent to a semi-private beach. They weren't fighting for space with families full of obnoxious kids. Besides himself and Cas, he counted only four other couples spread out in the sand. It was quiet. It was nice.

Taking a long pull of his beer, Dean sighed, looking out over the waves. "This is the first time I've ever really been to the beach," he said quietly, knowing Cas could hear him.

Cas, leaning back on his hands, his legs stretched out in front of him, turned toward Dean. "Oh?"  
Dean nodded. "Worked jobs in plenty of beach towns. Never just been to the beach. Never just got to just relax and enjoy myself. This is a first."

"I'm happy I get to experience that with you." Cas was smiling, that comforting, lopsided smile. Dean couldn't see his eyes behind the sunglasses, but he knew they were shining.

"Me, too, man. Me, too."

+

It was just after sunset, when Dean and Cas headed back to the house, mostly due to Dean's hunger rather than any desire to actually leave the beach. 

While Dean headed for the kitchen to empty out what was left in the cooler and to start dinner, Cas quietly excused himself. When he returned a few moments later, he was wearing one of the t-shirts Dean had bought for him earlier that afternoon. 

"Hey!" Dean exclaimed, grinning. "See? Comfortable clothes, right? Looks good on you." He popped the cap of a beer and set it on the counter as Cas took a seat on a stool. 

Cas smoothed down the front of his shirt. "Thank you, Dean," he said quietly. "Yes, this is a comfortable shirt. Thank you." Dean rolled his eyes, busying his hands as he prepared the ingredients for dinner. When he said nothing, Cas continued. "How did you afford this house? It seems very nice. I'm not that well-versed in money, but if I'm not mistaken, something like this would cost a great deal."

Dean took a swig of his beer. "Got lucky with a hacked credit card. Scored an awesome limit." Another sip of his beer allowed him to look away. "I was saving it. For a celebration. Something good." He shrugged, finally turning his attention back to Cas. I mean... I don't know about you, but I think icing The Darkness and the Devil was a pretty good occasion. Figured... This could be somethin' special."

Cas smiled, and Dean found himself wishing he did it more; found himself hoping he could put it there more often. "Yes... I believe that is a very good reason, Dean." He finally pulled the beer toward him, idling his fingers by toying with the label. "Thank you for including me."


	3. Chapter 3

The following day was spent in much the same way: beer, beach, and dinner. Through awkward, lingering moments and piecemeal conversations, however, something incredible was happening: Dean had begun to open up to Cas, little by little. 

The next afternoon, after emerging from a nap, Dean sat down beside Cas and pulled on his shoes. "Take a drive with me." Cas closed the book in his lap and nodded silently, following Dean to the Impala. 

Ten minutes into the drive, Cas glanced over at Dean, raising an eyebrow. "Where are we going?"

Dean just smiled. "You'll see."

As Dean pulled off the main road, Cas watched as they passed the gates. "Bonaventure Cemetery," he read as he turned to Dean, his brow furrowed in confusion. "I don't understand. Did you find a case?"

Navigating the Impala through the winding paths, he threw her into park beneath a willow tree near the bank of the river. "No. C'mon." He stepped out of the car and waited for Cas to join him. They walked slowly along the willow-lined paths, Dean's hands tucked into the pockets of his jeans. "I worked a case with my Dad here when I was a kid. Salt and burn. But I remember seeing all these statues and thinking how incredible they were. Beautiful, actually." He glanced at Cas and smiled. "I wanted you to see them. I thought," he shrugged, "I dunno, I guess I thought you might like 'em." He pointed up ahead to a statue of an angel kneeling beside a grave, her hand outstretched.

"Angels?" Cas looked at Dean, his mouth slightly agape in wonder.

With a bashful smirk, Dean shrugged. "Yeah. I dunno... Guess I always kinda had a thing for 'em." 

Cas smiled - that gentle, loving smile with a tilt of his head. "These are beautiful, Dean." He stepped past the hunter, staring up at the statues as he passed. "Thank you for sharing this with me."

They wandered through the cemetery for what seemed like an eternity. Dean watched Castiel's face as he took in the beauty of each statue. That, in itself, was a beautiful sight. Little was said, but thankful, loving glances were exchanged every so often.

It was nearing sunset when they arrived back at the Impala. When they settled inside, Dean glanced over at Cas. "Why don't we go out tonight?" he offered. "Find somewhere nice. Grab a few beers. Y'know... Out." 

Cas smiled. "I'd like that, Dean."

After dressing and a bit of research - the kind Dean actually enjoyed simply because the outcome involved enjoyment and drinking - they decided on a waterfront pub near the house. They were settled at a table on the deck, two beers between them. Dean eagerly tucked into the fries on his plate while Cas sat quietly, taking in his surroundings, watching Dean . 

Dean glanced up at Cas, raising an eyebrow. "So you really can't eat?"

Cas reached out to wrap his hands around the cool glass of beer. "It's not that I can't," he explained. "I taste everything. Each individual molecule of everything the food is created from. It's often overwhelming. And disgusting. I don't taste, as your brother put it, the sum of the parts."

Dean furrowed his brow, nodding as Cas spoke. "Well, that sucks. 'Cause food is awesome."  
With a sigh, Cas nodded in agreement. "It is unfortunate. While I was human, I came to enjoy many foods."

"Among other things," Dean added, failing to hide the hint of bitterness in his voice.  
Cas cleared his throat, shifting in his seat, his eyes dropping to his hands. "Yes, I... I did experience a number of things while human. Some... Enjoyable... Some not so enjoyable."

"But have you," Dean cleared his throat, pausing to chug a significant amount of his beer, "you know, enjoyed certain things since you got your mojo back?" He forced himself to look at Cas, suddenly very aware of the fact that he wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer. Something that felt a lot like jealousy swelled in the pit of his stomach. 

Cas sighed, meeting Dean's gaze. One corner of his mouth turned upward in a crooked smile, the dimple in his cheek creasing. "No, Dean. There's been no one else."

At this, Dean couldn't help smiling. "Good. That's good. I mean, you know... 'Cause... The, uh, the Reaper chick... Killed you. So. Y'know..." He brought his beer to his lips. "Goodtojusttakeyourtimeandstuff," he mumbled into the lip of the glass before finishing it off.  
Cas chuckled. "Yes, I suppose you're right." 

The waitress arrived, not allowing Dean to push the subject further. "Y'all need some more beers?"

Cas turned to Dean expectantly, allowing him to be the deciding vote. 

"Nah, I think we're gonna head out. Just the check, please." He flashed a quick smile and turned to Cas, his gaze softening. He hardly noticed the waitress slid the check in front of him.

They walked in silence toward the house, each with their hands stuffed into their respective pockets. "Hey," Dean finally broke the silence, nudging Cas with his shoulder. "Let's walk down on the beach." He knew it was disgustingly cliche, but it was always something he had wanted to do. It was his first vacation, and damn it, he was going to enjoy every last hackneyed part of it.

Cas, of course, happily agreed. He was experiencing human joy at its finest. He was seeing Dean happy, relaxed for probably the first time in all the years Cas had known him, and genuinely seemed to be enjoying himself. "I've had a very nice time with you today, Dean," he offered as they neared the water's edge. 

Dean looked up from the water and smiled. "Me too, Cas." He met the angel's eyes, watching how the moonlight only seemed to make the blue shine brighter. "I'm happy you're here. That I have you back. I was pretty scared there for a while. I thought..." His voice faltered as he looked down at his feet. "I thought I'd lost you again. Thought I'd lost you to Lucifer." 

Castiel's gaze never wavered. "But you always bring me back to you." He reached out, laying his hand on the back of Dean's neck as he stepped closer to him. The sudden movement brought Dean's eyes to his; a gaze heavy with unspoken emotion. Cas moved ever-closer, allowing his eyes to trail over the hunter's face, lingering on his lips. "I'll always come back to you, Dean." His voice was little more than a whisper, a quiet vow meant only for them. He closed the gap, brushing his lips against Dean's in a soft, chaste kiss. 

When they parted, Dean stared at him, eyes wide, paralyzed with fear and uncertainty. "Cas, I..." He shook his head, attempting to rattle his thoughts into a coherent form. "I don't... I... This... "

The blood drained from Castiel's face. Dropping his hands, he stepped back, as if forcing distance between himself and Dean would remedy the ache in the pit of his stomach. "My apologies, Dean. I suppose I misread your intentions." He turned, hurrying back toward the house, leaving a dumbstruck Dean grasping at what had just occurred. 

Dean stood staring out at the waves, watching as the moonlight danced across them, painting each a different shade of deep blue and silver. What the hell was he doing? He didn't understand why he was being so stubborn; so pig-headed. He thought for a moment that it could have something to do with John Winchester's disapproving voice bouncing around in his head, but ultimately decided that wasn't fair. He couldn't blame anyone else for his behavior. 

In the end, he realized, it all came down to fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of letting someone in. Fear of letting himself love. Fear of being loved in return. Fear of losing that person. No, it had nothing to do with physiology. It was purely fear. And stupidity. "What the hell am I doing?" He whispered to himself. 

He finally gathered his wits and bounded back across the beach to the house. When he stepped into the back yard, he heard the outdoor shower running, indicating Cas was rinsing the sand from his feet. 

Dean took a deep breath, charging toward the shower. When he found Cas, he didn't hesitate. His hands gripped the angel's face and their lips crashed together in a bruising kiss, his elbow knocking into the handle, pushing the shower into full-blast. He didn't care that he was getting soaked; his button-down clinging to his skin beneath the waterfall shower. He pressed Cas back against the wooden slats of the shower stall, groaning as Castiel's hands gripped his back, pulling him closer. 

"Cas," he breathed as he pulled back, panting, his forehead pressed against Castiel's. "I'm sorry I've been so fucking stupid. I need you to know... All that I am, and all that I ever was," he opened his eyes to meet Castiel's gaze, losing himself in that perfect icy blue, "is here, with you." He cupped Cas's face with one hand, his thumb running gently across his cheek. "I always said I needed you, but that's not enough. I need you to know, I... I love you, Cas." He swallowed his nerves. His voice wavered as he spoke. "I love you more than any goddamn thing I've ever loved in my life." He brushed his lips against Cas's and sighed. "I know we're both guys, but I'll swallow my damn pride. I don't care. We'll figure it out."

Cas looked up at Dean, shaking his head, his hands still gripping his back. "You think I care about sexual orientation? I am completely indifferent to that. All I care about -- all I want is you, Dean. From the moment I laid eyes on your soul in Hell... I--I was in love. With you." He reached up, dragging his fingers through Dean's soaked hair. And with that, their lips were together again.

+

Later, Dean adjusted the sheet around their waists, settling a hand behind his head as he looked over at Cas, grinning. "Cas... That was..."

Cas raised an eyebrow, leaning up on his elbow to look down at Dean. "Was that... enjoyable?"

Dean laughed. "Are you kidding me?" He wrapped his arm around Cas, pulling him down for a kiss. "That was amazing. Totally unlike anything I've ever experienced." He slid his fingers through the angel's messy dark tresses. "And I want that again." He kissed his cheek. "And again." His jaw. "And again." His neck. "We're gonna have to mop up the wet mess we trailed through the house, but it was totally worth it." 

Cas smiled, pulling away to settle back on the pillow. He furrowed his brow. "Metatron was right," he whispered, almost to himself. 

"What?" Hell of a time to bring up that dickbag.

"He said that I was in love." He turned his head to look at Dean. "With humanity. With you. That all I've ever done... Was for you." He paused, swallowing he lump in his throat. "I'm an angel. I was mighty once. I commanded armies. I laid siege to the depths of Hell. For thousands of years, I fought in epic battles. I reaped the vast rewards. I saw glory. But none of that, Dean... None of that compares to what I feel when I'm with you. What I feel for you. You, Dean Winchester... You are my glory."

"Cas..."

"Naomi once told me she thought I was defective. I was made incorrectly -- that there was a crack in my chassis. I didn't know it at the time, but I believe she was correct. Angels," he explained, turning on his side, running his fingers down Dean's face, "weren't created to love. We were created as soldiers. To follow orders. To protect humanity. I always felt different, though. All those millennia," he whispered, leaning closer to brush his lips against Dean's, "and I know now I was waiting for you." 

Dean rolled over, bracing himself above Cas as his fingers slid through the angel's hair, his eyes dragging over his face. "I don't have anything that epic to say." He grinned -- a warm, charming, endearing smile, the corners of his eyes crinkling. "But I do love you. You're it, man. You're everything for me." 

Cas reached up to take Dean's hand and laced their fingers together. With his eyes firmly locked on Dean's, he brought the hunter's hand to his lips and kissed it gently. "The Angel and The Righteous Man. We make quite a pair." 

With a soft chuckle, Dean ducked his head, burying his face in the crook of Castiel's neck. "Perfect pair," he mumbled.

+

Dean awoke slowly, naturally, allowing himself to adjust to the bright sun streaming through the windows. The breeze blew in from the shore, the white linen curtains flowing across the room. He exhaled leisurely, smiling at the feeling of warm skin against his back. "Mornin', Cas," he mumbled into the pillow, the angel's arm slipping around his waist to pull him closer. 

Cas nuzzled his face into the back of Dean's hair, breathing him in as he splayed his hand out across the hunter's chest, holding him close against his own. "Good morning, Dean," he murmured. "Did you sleep well?"

"Best sleep I've ever had, actually." He shifted, rolling over in Castiel's arms, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. "Did you watch me sleep all night?" 

Cas shrugged. "I don't mind. You look peaceful when you're sleeping. You look happy."

"I _am_ happy, Cas." He reached up to caress Castiel's cheek, the buildup of three days' stubble coarse beneath his fingers. "When I'm with you, I'm happy." It was a new feeling for him -- happiness. Not only the feeling of it, but allowing himself to feel it. He was learning, slowly but surely.

Grinning, Cas leaned down to kiss him softly, pulling away much too early for Dean's liking. "Stay here, Dean. I'll be back." He slid out of Dean's grasp and out of the bed, grabbing a pair of jeans from the chair in the corner. 

Dean pushed himself up on his elbow, his free hand sliding through his hair. "Where you goin'?"

Cas smiled as he fastened the last button of his sky-blue shirt. Dean couldn't help noticing how well it complimented the blue of Cas's eyes. He knelt down on the bed to kiss Dean's forehead. "Just stay here. Relax. I'll be back." He dodged Dean's grip and hurried out, leaving Dean to flop back on the bed, sulking.

Dean waited a few minutes before relenting to his basic human needs. Grumbling to himself, he slid out of bed and shuffled off to the bathroom to pee and brush his teeth before launching himself back into bed. It was quite possibly the most comfortable bed he had ever had the pleasure of experiencing, and he found himself wondering how much the owner would charge if he tried taking it. 

When Cas returned, he found Dean muttering to himself a list of pros and cons to stealing a mattress. It took Dean a moment to realize he was no longer alone. Not only that, but that Cas arrived armed with two cups of coffee and a box of donuts. He sat up, staring at Cas with a smile, taking the cup offered to him. "You brought me breakfast in bed?"

Cas joined settled the donuts in front of Dean, taking a sip from his own cup as he sat down. "Vacation is about happiness and relaxation, is it not? I know that you enjoy coffee and you enjoy donuts. It was my assumption that serving breakfast in bed is often a way of inducing relaxation and happiness."

Dean licked his lips. "What the hell did I ever do to deserve you, man?" He huffed, a grin creeping up his face as he leaned in to kiss Cas. "And before you ruin the moment, that was a rhetorical question." 

They finally dragged themselves out of bed nearly three hours later, and Cas decided he wanted to visit the lighthouse and explore the museum. It was a simple request, and Dean was more than happy to oblige. 

Their day was spent leisurely, Dean fixated more on Castiel's face while he took in the sights than actually taking them in himself. He never thought he would describe another man as beautiful, but that was the word that kept coming to mind each and every time Cas's face lit up about something. 

After a quick dinner, they settled on the beach to watch the sunset. Dean had laid out a blanket and settled himself comfortably, pulling Cas between his legs. He slid his arms around Cas's waist, holding him close as he nestled his chin on his shoulder, nuzzling his neck. "Is this vacation living up to your Angelic expectations?" he mumbled. "We tiny human-folk can be pretty boring sometimes."

Cas smiled, laying his head back on Dean's shoulder, leaning into his touch. "It's been wonderful. I've learned a lot from you over the years. I learned a lot from my time as a human. I learned to appreciate a great deal." He turned his head to kiss Dean's cheek, shifting to look back at him. "This... Vacation. This time spent with you... It's been nothing short of perfect, Dean." 

Dean huffed, smirking as his gaze held Castiel's. "I hope you're proud of yourself, man."

The line between Cas's brow deepened. "What do you mean?"

"I have never had so many friggin' chick flick moments with anyone as I've had with you." 

"Not even with Lisa?"

Dean frowned, tugging Cas ever closer. His relationship with Lisa was light years from his relationship with Cas. He had cared for - even loved - Lisa. But not once had he been able to bring himself to say it; to put his feelings on display as he had with Cas. The connection he had with Castiel was otherworldly. It felt as if it were written in the stars. Every piece of his being belonged to Castiel. "No," he said finally, green eyes meeting blue. "Not even with Lisa."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some dialogue borrowed from a deleted Season 10 scene.


	4. Chapter 4

On their last scheduled day, Dean awoke feeling anxious. His stomach was in knots. His heart raced. He wasn't ready for this to end. He found himself desperately needing to savor every single second. When he rolled over to find Cas on his side, his eyes closed, Dean exhaled slowly, shifting to scoot closer. "Cas, you sleeping?" He whispered, his hand sliding down the angel's hip to his thigh, squeezing the soft flesh, pulling it toward him. He nuzzled into his neck, his lips brushing Cas's collar bone. 

"I wasn't," Cas said, grinning at Dean's ministrations. "But I certainly am not now," he breathed, pressing into Dean's touch. 

"Good," Dean growled. He pinned Cas on his back, lacing their fingers together as he kissed him - a deep, yearning kiss full of love and desperation.

+

"It's our last day. What do you want to do?"

Dean lay on his stomach, arms crossed under his head, basking in the afterglow. Cas lay beside him, draped over his back, his face nestled in Dean's hair, his lithe fingers gently tracing patterns on the back of Dean's arm. The hunter considered Castiel's question for a moment before rolling over to look up at his angel. "Stay here forever," he answered honestly. 

Cas smiled, his fingers tracing the outline of Dean's tattoo. "While I wish that were possible, I'm afraid you'll have to set your ambitions a little lower."

With a dramatic sigh, Dean pulled Cas down, kissing Cas's hair as the angel settled against his chest. "In that case, I guess I'll settle for staying in this bed a little longer, relaxing on the beach, and partaking in some more non-relaxing activities in this bed later."

"I like that plan, Dean."

+

"Excuse me, young man."

Dean ripped his gaze away from Cas to find an elderly woman standing beside him. "Yes, ma'am?"

She smiled, nudging him gently, gesturing toward Cas, who stood at the end of the pier, looking out over the beach. He looked so serene, so at peace as the cool evening breeze blew through his messy hair. "Is that your sweetheart?"

Dean sputtered, his cheeks flushing as he looked down at his feet, searching for an answer. "Uh... I--we--"

"Oh, don't be shy, dear. I'm not at all judgmental. I recognize that look. The way you look at him... I've seen it; I know it well. My Henry looked at me like that for sixty-three years. And for sixty-three years, I looked right back... Like he was my whole world. My sun, my moon, my stars. Because he was. He really was. Even after the war, it didn't change. He was everything." She sighed, a wistful smile highlighting a youthful sparkle in her eyes. Dean found it beautiful. "If you haven't told him yet, you had better get to it. Don't waste your time. From the looks of it, neither of you are spring chickens."

With a laugh, Dean glanced at Cas. If only she knew hold old Cas really was. "Well, I thank you for the advice..."

"Mary, darling. My name is Mary."

Dean stood stunned for a moment before reaching out to lay a gentle hand on Mary's shoulder. "It's really a pleasure, Mary. I'm Dean," he laid his free hand on his chest. "And that," he nodded toward the angel, a loving smile lighting up his face, "is Cas."

Mary grinned, patting Dean's hand. "Pleasure's all mine. Just remember what I said, dear. My Henry, God rest his soul, was an angel. Get yours before it's too late."

Long after she was gone, Dean stood staring at Cas, Mary's words ringing in his head. Fuck it, he thought as he stepped up behind Cas, slipping his arms around the angel's waist. With a slow, steady exhale, he settled his chin on Cas's shoulder. He felt Cas melt into him as if it were the most normal thing in the world, and it brought yet another smile to his face. This was right. Everything about this. They were in public, and everyone could see that Cas was his. "I just had an interesting chat with a little old lady named Mary."

"Oh?" Cas laid his hands over Dean's.

"She told me to make sure you knew how I felt about you. To get my angel before it's too late."  
Cas's body tensed. "How did she--"

"It's just a saying, babe," Dean murmured, test driving the endearment. "It doesn't mean an actual angel."

Cas was silent for a moment, and then, "I am, you know."

"What?"

" _Your_ angel."

Grinning like an idiot, Dean squeezed Cas tighter, burying his face in Cas's neck, breathing him in as his heart swelled with more love and happiness than he had ever felt. It was an incredible feeling, and now that he had allowed himself such a thing, he couldn't fathom ever letting go of it. Or Cas.

+

The beach was deserted - vacationing families had long since turned in for the night. The sky was clear of clouds, stars and the moon shining brightly; beautiful constellations visible to the naked eye. 

When Dean found a spot he liked, he spread out the blanket and laid down, gesturing for Cas to join him. They lay side-by-side staring up at the sky, listening to the waves break on the shoreline for a while before Dean broke the silence. 

"I don't want to go back." His voice was nothing more than a whisper, a hushed confession in the dark, but he knew Cas could hear him. That Cas was a celestial being was often a blessing and a curse. 

Cas turned his head to look at Dean, who did the same, tears swimming in his eyes. "Why?"  
Dean sighed, dragging his gaze back to the stars. Slowly, his hand creeped over, entwining his fingers with Castiel's. "Cas, if I just lay here... Would you stay with me?... Just ... forget the world. Just stay here where there's no disaster. Where there's no threat. Where I'm allowed to be happy." 

In the moonlight, Cas could see the tears slipping down Dean's temples into his hair. Rolling onto his side, he reached out to wipe the tears away. "You're allowed to be happy, Dean. Regardless of where we are." He leaned forward to kiss Dean's forehead, his thumb swiping away tears. "I'll always watch over you. I'll always do everything I can to make you happy."

With a huff, Dean smiled through his tears, reaching out to slip his fingers through Castiel's hair. "Guess there's an upside to falling in love with an actual angel, huh?" He dug the heel of his hand into his eye, rubbing away the rest of the tears, embarrassed that he'd let them fall to begin with. 

Cas pulled his hand away, lacing their fingers together. Leaning over Dean, he pressed the hunter's hand back on the blanket as he kissed him - a slow, loving, lingering kiss.  
That night, beneath the light of the moon and the sound of their moans swallowed by the waves, Cas helped Dean cross something off his bucket list: make love on a beach. 

+

The journey back to Lebanon proved to be the opposite of their drive to Georgia. Awkward silences were replaced by long conversations - some meaningful, some silly. Their fingers were intertwined - sometimes on the seat between them, sometimes on Cas's lap, and sometimes on Dean's. Often, Cas would reach over to drag his fingers gently across the back of his neck; other times, Dean would reach over to toy with the back of Cas's hair. 

When they stopped for the night, Dean's angst-filled, lonely shower was replaced with loving embraces, hands everywhere, and quiet moans until the water ran cold. Despite the size of the bed, Dean fell asleep entangled with Cas beneath the crappy motel sheets.

They passed through Lawrence the following afternoon. Dean took a detour and the Impala rolled to a stop outside a pleasant, two-story house on a sleepy suburban street. His grip on Cas's hand tightened as he stared up at the house.

"Dean?"

Finally, Dean turned to Cas. "This was our house." His voice was hushed, as if speaking in church. A look of understanding washed over Cas before Dean continued. "Being with you, Cas... Finally letting myself be happy... I just... I don't know. I had this need to share all this with you. I find myself wishing my mom was still around because I know she would love you."  
Cas laid his free hand over Dean's. "Thank you for sharing this with me, Dean." He leaned forward to kiss Dean softly before pulling back. "I'm sure I would have loved her, as well. She created two incredible humans, both of whom I'm very fond of. That, alone, makes her a great woman."

"I'm more incredible than Sam, though. Obviously."

Cas rolled his eyes. "Yes, Dean. Given that I am in an intimate and sexual relationship with you, I clearly find you more incredible than your brother."

Dean smiled proudly and turned the key to ignite the engine. "You said it yourself, though. We share a more profound bond. But... Good. Glad we've cleared that up." He took one last longing look at the house and exhaled slowly. "Let's go home. Check up on the inferior incredible human."

"Home," Cas smiled. "I like that."

Grinning ear to ear, Dean sighed, squeezing Cas's hand. "Yeah... Me, too, Cas. Me, too."


End file.
